
...To the beige-mobile, chums!
Thursday, March 16
RIDE TO THE SKIES!
Silent Drive is touring Europe until April 10. When either Bane or Silent Drive go on an inter-continental jaunt, the van becomes problematic. Sure, it's great to be able to load up 8 guys and a bunch of metal CDs and all the equipment and a cargo trailer full of t-shirts and mesh trucker hats, but when you're flying to Spain or whatever you get to the airport and say "Dammit! What are we supposed to do with this van?" That's where I come in. Van relocation services, LLC. The mission: retrieve the van from Logan's Central Parking and keep it safe until the band's return. Simple, you say? I could do that, you say? How does he know what I'm saying, you say? Read on, and be amazed amused.
I like to add to the challenge. Those who have met me may know this. I call it "upping the ante" or "not quite thinking the plan through from start to finish before commencing upon said plan". Perhaps you are familiar? So, upping the ante... I decided to ride my bike to Logan at night to retrieve the van. An important point: I have never ridden my bike to Logan, and although I spent the better part of 5 whole days re-entering all of MassBike's listed bike routes in Massachusetts ass an intern last summer, I couldn't remember the route, nor did I check it before I jumped onto my bike. As a matter of fact I didn't decide to ride to the airport until I was on my bike riding toward the subway at Davis Square. So I was exploring. Sketchy.
At first I wondered if there was pedestrian access over the Tobin bridge, so I rode to Charlestown and investigated. The answer: no. Then it was to the gas tanks of Everett and the industrial sectors near the metal recucling plant, the old chemical works, the shipyards, and the Island End River. Surprisingly, the roads were deeply potholed and crowded with truck traffic. I asked two guys in a security booth how to get to the bridge to East Boston. That's a boring job. Sitting in a box lit by fluorescent bulbs and waiting for something to happen. It's kind of like being a grad student.
I reached the Meridian Street bridge and started across. Should have used the sidewalk. The road surface is open metal grate and the openings are rectangles with their long dimension in the direction of traffic. What that means is that bicycle tires basically bottom out on every metal strip, affording you little to no control, risking a crash, and causing flats (but not for me). That was scary. The only really scary part of the journey. But keep reading! It speeds up.
Then East Boston and the unmarked streets, sidewalks, ending sidewalks, rental car lots, and 'authorizzed access only' routes around the airport. At one point I was sort of heading into a tunnel with no breakdown lane before I decided better of it. I have a wife after all. And no insurance. I'll get a policy on myself before I try to ride my bike through a tunnel at the airport.
So I make it to central parking and the van is on the 5th level. If you've been to Logan's central parking you know that they have spiral ramps for ascending and descending. They are wicked fun to bike on! Seriously, it's just the right incline for a workout, there's plenty of visibility, it was neat. Got to the 15 passenger van and it's parked in a spot with a sign RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GRILLE that says 'compact car only'. Took me about a 6-point turn to get it out of there.
Mission: Accomplished. Just under 10 miles, just under 50 minutes. Bon Voyage Silent Drive! May you sell a surfeit of trucker hats to unwitting Europeans who really should have guessed that gin-u-ine truckers don't wear hats with metal band logos on them.


If you don't have anything nice to say, say it loud.
1 comment:
thanks big brother for risking your life for my bands van. we owe you a dinner, or even a trucker hat.
Pete-somewhere in the UK.
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