FROM AMONG THE MISTS APPEARS A BEACON.

I have tried to be self-reflective; to consider my actions and their consequences. This reflection is necessary if I'm going to prepare myself mentally for a major change in my life like marriage, relocation, a new career. Looking inward helps me to look forward. As my college program comes to an end, I have begun investigating my options for future employment while keeping an eye open for opportunities that are unexpected. I don't want to close myself off from considering options that I hadn't anticipated as being possible. With that said, it's even more surprising to me that good friends have offered us the use of an apartment in Sausalito, California during the coming summer. The offer blows the doors off my previous thinking.

Work in California? Live there? Could it happen? What would it mean to leave all of our immediate family and cross the continent with a small dog in tow? Is there work? What kind? Is there affordable housing? Am I fooling myself into thinking that this is a wise move? I have previously stated that I wanted to move away from the Boston area because of the prohibitively high cost of real estate. We would like to buy something someday, settle in, get involved as homeowners and citizens. We do our best to do this as renters, but there remains an inescapable undercurrent of sentiment that renting is "throwing your money away" and that buying a home allows one to build equity. Moving from Somerville to Sausalito does little on the surface to improve our home-buying options... but it might do something else. It might allow us to engage in work that fulfills us, recreation that sustains us, and friendships that renew us.

Many jobs that I have seen matching my skills involve for-profit consulting for the military or, at the very least, a sort of corporate "slickness" that gives me pause. I left a cubicle because I hated it once before. All that work and no voice in whether or not we should do what we were doing. It seemed like all anyone was concerned with was their mortage payments, advancement prospects, expense reports. It was hollow and unfulfilling. How can I know that I will have the stamina to stick with a second, "different" cubicle-based existence in a new place with more sun(?), or more mountain biking, or better job prospects for Kate? What will it take to make me happy in work? I seem to ask a lot.

I'd work for a non-profit land or water conservation organization like the Nature Conservancy... or a public policy and/or environment research center like the Pacific Institute. I'd work part-time with kids and engineering curricula... that would be enjoyable... maybe a museum like the Exploratorium? I guess I just don't want unending sameness coupled with a feeling that I'm a cog in the machine speeding toward an objective that I havn't been told about and that I disagree with. I guess I want democracy in my employment, a voice in guiding the ship, and more than three weeks vacation. It could also be that I'm in denial about the nature of work and that looking for work that makes me "happy" is pointless. Perhaps I need to look for a better work/life balance coupled with a chance to be creative.

The search continues in a new time zone...